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Mandy

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[01 Jan 2005|08:34am]
[ mood | tired ]

Also, wish me luck as I try out for Grease on Tuesday!

2 fell cut the stem

[01 Jan 2005|08:30am]
[ mood | tired ]

My new years resolutions:

1. Stop lying or exaggerating (I'm a freaking histrionic)
2. Take more care in other's feelings.
3. Appreciate what I have.
4. Help others.
5. No more soda except on special occasions!


Anyway...

I hope everybody is okay. I hope none of you have been affected (emotionally at least) by the tsunami, and I keep in my thoughts all that have.

2 fell cut the stem

[30 Oct 2004|07:29am]
[ mood | sad ]

I'm bleeding and broken
Though I've never spoken
I come undone
In this mad season

...

Stop with the suicide bullshit, guys. You no longer look sad, just pathetic. If you really are suicidal, don't go to people online to get help. Talk to your family about getting help.

I still don't believe Tasha actually killed herself and if you want to hate me for it, please do so. And if she did, I have no pity for her. I can only wish that if Tasha actually killed herself, that those who loved her, who suffered, will not result to the same.

I have concluded that suicide IS selfish. I'm sorry if you disagree. There are so many other things you can do before actually killing yourself, and to do it at a young age either means it's not as bad as you think or you need fucking mental help. I'm sick of all this bullshit "I want to die" "I want to suck on a gun barrel" etc. I don't like it.

Do you have no respect for the people in your family? Or your friends? Or teachers or classmates and staff? Or neighbors? Or pets?

If you want to die, I can't stop you, but get a fucking therapist first. Suicide isn't sad to me, I will not have pity on you.

I remember making fun of Grant's suicide note. While it was a stupid, mean thing to do, I knew. Because online, for one, you can't believe anything- a fact that Annie has just proven to me. And I do feel bad for hurting Grant's friends (apparently Grant has no idea what I'm talking about), but it's ridiculous. I've been suicidal, too, until I came face to face with a knife at home alone and realized that if my mother came in, what would she do? What if I hung myself? Who would have to get me down? What if I poisoned myself? Who would have to check my pulse, call my name 20xs? What if I jumped from a building and landed on a car or something? Who would have to come in and identify my body?

My mother, my father, my grandmother, my uncles, my friends, my teachers. Any one of them.

I don't like people crying because of me, and if you do, you're a fucking asshole, a saddist.

Get over your problems, no matter how much they suck, especially if you're a teen who lives with your parents. Because if you think that in 10 years it's going to suck as bad, there's something wrong with your head. If this offends you, get your ass over it.

Suicide is not the answer. If you commit suicide, I don't have pity on you. I want to help those who are suicidal but I don't want to give them bullshit. The truth is, nothing sucks that bad. When you take your life, it's gone, you have no way to get it back because (according to my beliefs) there is no heaven. You will never be conscious again. Live life to the fullest and when you get fucked over, cry yourself to sleep a few nights, wake up, cook some eggs, play some music, and eat your overfried scrambled shit. When you feel like nothing will ever get better, live to see the sun set, every night. Try to draw it. Cry to yourself all you want but don't hurt everyone else around you. It's not fair to them. If you want to commit suicide, think about it first. How would you feel if your best friend killed themselves? How would you feel if your mother overdosed on ibuprofen? What about your father, if he jumped out of a 6 story building? What if your sister or brother shot themselves in the head?

If you answered "I'd be happy!" to any of these, maybe I'm wrong and you should go ahead and blow you brains out, asshole.

6 fell cut the stem

[27 Sep 2004|07:02am]
[ mood | content ]

AUTISM WALK

FOREST PARK IN ST. LOUIS

OCTOBER 9TH

EITHER GO OR DONATE, ASSHOLES!

Just kidding but if you live in U City and are blowing off the Autism walk for the homecoming parade immabout to kick yo ass.

1 fell cut the stem

[18 Sep 2004|08:35am]
[ mood | calm ]

I went to Balloon Glow yesterday and saw 20+ hot air balloons sit on the ground and get fired up.

Was awesome.

1 fell cut the stem

[10 Sep 2004|06:57am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I got the part I wanted in the fall play. The fall play this year is THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST and I got the role of Cecily. Andrew got the role of Algernon, who Cecily becomes/is engaged to. Daniel B and Micaela are Jack and Gwendolen, while Tabby is Lady Bracknell and Simon is Dr. Reverand Chasuble and Erin is Miss Prism. I think it'll be a pretty good play, as long as everyone learns their lines. Lady Bracknell actually has about 10 monologues, but I mostly have conversations which I think is harder to learn :|.

But anyway. I'm really excited about it :D cause I love acting and it'll be fun.

4 fell cut the stem

[22 Aug 2004|01:36am]
[ mood | crappy ]

I met three of Andrew's...people, should I call them? Yeah, Jimmy, Amy, and Alicia. I was overwhelmed with meeting people. As I haven't since Amadeus in which case I became silent and a bitch.

I hate avoidance. All I want to do is be normal but my stupid....I don't know. Something wont let me. I can't talk to people. And I'm not even shy. Arg. And it didn't help when my menstrual cramps kicked in (I know you all wanted to know) in the middle of a walk in the STL Mills, which is GIANT and very nicely decorated. But yeah. I was in so much pain and it was the worst possible time ever! Because when they kick in, I stop talking and I start growling. And I was mad. Because I always hurt when I'm doing something. Not cool.

Andrew told me a lot about Jimmy and from the half hour I spoke to him online with Andrew as well and they discussed politics I thought I would hate him. He was AWESOME. Mainly because he's funny. I love funny people. They were all cool. I regret being a girl. I should get a sex change so that I wont have PMS. That would be awesome only totally not.

I can't wait until I'm done with menopaus.

CREST WHITENING STRIPS TASTE FUNNY BUT THEY KICK ASS.

1 fell cut the stem

[18 Aug 2004|06:26am]
[ mood | cranky ]

I finally got my schedule.

Schedule for Sophomore year at UCHS 2004/2005:
1. Geometry A - Daughtery
2. Seminar- McLaughlin
3. Film Appreciation- Wilson
3. Creative Writing- Wilson
4. Spanish 3- Abaray
5. Chemistry 10- Lane
6. Honor's World History- Cox
7. Honor's Lit and Comp 2- Calloway
8. ?


And I'm sick. Poop. I woke up every hour last night feeling like SHIT.

My lungs feel like they're bruised, too. Ew.

1 fell cut the stem

been a short while [16 Aug 2004|07:18pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

I tried to sleep today away. I only managed about four hours. But then I smelled dinner, one of the best my mom has cooked...ever. And I got up.

Andrew is grounded, and I don't know for how long but I'm really depressed now. For the weekend I was fine because I knew he was busy anyway with Amadeus but now all I can think is, What is he doing? How long is he grounded? Why can't he call me? GJKHhs.

I cried most of the afternoon until I finally went to sleep. Tomorrow we get our schedules. I think I'm going to be in another Mr. Wilson class. Good god. That would suck if Andrew switched out.

The house is a mess depsite me cleaning every day. I get my permit once the dining room is clean, but that's where I threw everything in the movage of furniture so it's one big pile of junk right now.

I'm still tired but I'm too excited about tomorrow to sleep.

Why must school excite me??

2 fell cut the stem

[05 Aug 2004|04:24pm]
Just got back from taking a nap after the Kerry/Edwards rally.

SEAN ASTIN WAS TEHRE AND I COULDN'T SEE HIM. I WAS BEHIND A PORTA POTTY.

SON OF A BITCH.

go kerry.
2 fell cut the stem

[03 Aug 2004|12:12pm]
[ mood | creative ]

I think the most awesome celebrity couple would be Trent Reznor and Bjork.

Imagine that baby.

It'd be real ugly.

2 fell cut the stem

[02 Aug 2004|01:07pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

a survey i stole from annie that took me 4 hours because I kept accidently deleting it, lmfao.Collapse )

6 fell cut the stem

[29 Jul 2004|09:23am]
[ mood | crappy ]

I haven't been on a whole lot lately. Lots of cleaning, babysitting, and Andrew. Sorry Rachel. I've been looking for the graffiti font or one similar though!

Registration for sophomores is the 17th, and for Juniors and Seniors it's the 11th. Andrew and I are going to try to take Astrology and something to do with the ocean together. That would be really cool, I think. I hope my asshead of a counselor will let me take it. I'm not taking drafting, no thanks.

I just printed out the schedule for next year, lets see how many days we have off...

8. Eight friggin days. And like, 9 early releases. And Christmas break is the same as always. Yet we're starting a week early and ending in the same time as usual- June 9th. Poop on a stick, I say.

I want my schedule, and I want my new school supplies, but I don't want to start back up.

2 fell cut the stem

[26 Jul 2004|02:54pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Maybe I just shouldn't be social any longer.

Maybe I should just shut myself off from everybody. Anytime I try to be friendly, open, honest, anything, I get shot down. Or I feel unwelcome. Or someone doesn't like something about me. Or their little bitchy friends come and attack me. Whatever.

I think I'm going to just let people approach me from now on, and stop trying to make friends. Lol, I'm such a fucking Winnie the Pooh or something. I just like people too much. I like knowing people, I like talking to people.

Sue me, fuck. I don't need this anymore, I don't need the stress of humans being assholes. I don't want it anymore.

I'm also tired of being Matt's talk magnet. Anytime he has something to say that nobody else wants to hear, he tells me. He complains nonstop. I don't mind. I like hearing people complain. It's healthy, I think. But excessively...it just gets a tad annoying.

I want something to do so I think a shower is a good idea. Maybe I'll feel better.

5 fell cut the stem

He dreamed up a god and called it 'christianity' [26 Jul 2004|01:02pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

WTF DAMNIT iTUNES!

It's got too much stuff and khjfkhgdf I can only spend $30 a month and I already spent all of my July 15th-August 15th money. I have $3 left, actually. I could have just bought a damn album, three of them! I bought some Nine Inch Nails, Michele Branch, and Incubus. And a little bit of Hoobastank. And I want more. MORE, GIVE ME MORE.

I do have extra money but I'm going to try really hard not to spend it on myself. Either Andrew or Shemmy. JHkjhs shudder. I drank two sodas and now I'm like, fhjskh crazy and I keep sprawling out random letters!

YOUR GOD IS DEAD AND NO ONE CARES.
IF THERE IS A HELL, I'LL SEE YOU THERE.

no offense. Haha. I just like this song a lot.

cut the stem

"No comment" is a comment. [26 Jul 2004|10:26am]
[ mood | tired ]

I just registered the $27 I got last night for babysitting at www.wheresgeorge.com which is awesome. One of my dollars was spent at Sears in Illinois! Now I have it! Yay!

I's in a bad mood cause I'm not going to get to take a nap until 12, even if I get to take one then. Well, that and other various components. Such as Charlie destroying the kitchen but if I don't let him in there he screams and gets me in trouble.

Andrew's first choice is Drake, and I think he'll get in. 87% of applicants are admitted and they prefer ACT scores in mid 20s or higher. Iowa. BKhjkeh. But I hold still, it's better than Minnesota or frickin New England! HE BETTER GET ACCEPTED OR I'M DOING SOME ASSWHOOPIN UP IN HERRE.

I'm thirsty but I've been drinking water all day and I think I caught the tapeworm andrew has (only not). I have deli hard salami and it tastes wonderful. I love hard salami. My fingers keep wanting to add an 'n' to that.

edit: I swear there was just weights slipped onto all of my limbs, and they're pulling me down. That's how it feels. Like they were just put on me and they're pulling me down, physically and emotionally. It happened so fast. I don't know why. Maybe it's music, music often makes me sad. I wish I would've just bought the Michelle Branch 'Spirit Room' from iTunes rather than download 9 of the 10 songs. I'm stupid. I'm depressed. I need a damn shower. I don't want to clean anymore. I have to. I don't want to do laundry. I just want to walk, and keep walking, like Forest Gump. That would be so wonderful.

here's a nice short surveyCollapse )

2 fell cut the stem

[23 Jul 2004|02:42pm]
[ mood | content ]

You know, I have the necissary tools to make my journal pimp. I could do it. Like that [snaps fingers].

I am just too lazy!

Andrew got back from DLA yesterday and it was awesome. Because he didn't call before he came over. So I didn't know he was coming. So when the door bell rang and I opened the door and for a split second I was like ... and then friggin ripped the screen off of it's hinges! I busted out of there so fast. Ahjakhjkgh it was so cool. Almost two whole weeks! ALMOST TWO. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT IS?! WELL IT'S NOT TWO. BUT IT'S REALLY CLOSE. THAT'S A LONG TIME. IT WAS...12 days? I think so. 11 or 12? Too stupid to count. Being with him last night gave me an adrenalin rush and I didn't get to sleep until 5:30 AM. I woke up at 8:30. I'm wide awake but my brain doesn't work very good. Basically, I'm giving you my excuse for why today, I cannot spell 'opened' and had to go back and edit the entry. And I am to lazy to fix the rest.

Apparently he read 'God Thinks' by Voltaire to people, or at a poetry reading, or during poetry, or something. And that's so cool. SO FRICKIN COOL. Voltaire is genius, it doesn't matter if you don't agree with him. He said JC was like, "I didn't agree with it but man, that was awesome!". DLA is a huge self esteem boost for him, exactly what he needs.

By the way, Andrew, if you are reading this, hi. I'm telling the whole world about you. Because um. Hehe...heh...heheh...

ANDREW BOUGHT A SKIRT. AND WORE IT TO DINNER AT BLUEBERRY HILL. AND HIS DAD HATES IT.

Haah yeah I know, that doesn't embarrass you, you quirky little fishnet tight. WOAh THAT CAME...out of nowhere. Because you are not a fishnet tight. You are probably a sheer thigh high.

Because he was gone for so long :O I succumbed...succame....uh, ended up, cleaning. CLEANING. ALL DAY EVERYDAY. The longest was noon until 8pm. My feet hurt real bad after that. Buhuhuhuhut my mom is going to get me a ferret. SO it's all worth it.

Shemmy the ferret. Cuter than a rat, uglier than a cat. But it pounces like a cat. Due to the fact that my dad is allergic to cats, I shall live viraciously though the ferret! Maybe I should name it Kitty. Oh god, no. Maybe Cat.

This journal, by the way, isn't friends only. That's a first since like, Ravenclaw when I restarted it in 2002. Watch, it'll end up being friends only.

Anyway, that's my update. For uh, right now.

2 fell cut the stem

o_o [15 Jul 2004|04:35pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]

I don't know, I have this journal for cases in which
1) greatest journal shuts down, freezes, is jammed
2) I want to read friends posts for people on LJ
3) I want to post comments on the billions of random journals I find. You people are weird. But awesome. I apologize for intruding, but if you don't like it, make your damn entries friends only, stupid.
4) To read Andrew's journal because he wont post on GJ even though I made him an awesome layout. Just kidding. And also so he doesn't have to go to a whole new page because his computer is slow, he can just go to his friends. Aren't I sweet?
5)Because I want to claim the SN EVERYWHERE BAHAHAHAA.

1 fell cut the stem

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